Horsehide Humor
“It was horrible, and they would not take no for an answer.”
Bygone baseball by C. Philip Francis
---FLINT RHEM, a tall, right-handed pitched for the St. Louis Cardinals and several other National League teams in the 1920’s and ‘30’s, won 105 games in his 12-year career, but is particularly famous for his vanishing act during the 1930 pennant race with the Cards and Brooklyn Dodgers. He had won six victories in a row, and was about to pitch against the Dodgers when he disappeared for two days. When Flint finally returned the South Carolinian who had a fondness for strong drink told manager GABBY STREET a most bizarre story. He claimed to have been kidnapped, (by Dodger fans?), locked in a hotel room, and forced to consume an undetermined amount of whiskey at gunpoint. The ballplayer said, “It was horrible, and they would not take no for an answer.”
Flint somehow survived this ghastly experience, and was not even fined by Street saying it was too good a story for that. St. Louis went on to win the pennant, but Rhem was quickly knocked out of theonly game he pitched against the Philadelphia A’s who won the World Series four games to two.
---“The average age of our bench is deceased.” – Los Angeles Dodgers manager, TOMMY LASORDA .
---“I don’t know how old I am because the goat ate the Bible that had my birth certificate in it, and he lived to be 27.” – SATCHEL PAIGE
---“The only thing I regret in life is that I can’t sit in the stands and watch me pitch.” – BO BELINSKY
---The combative and fiery LEO DUROCHER is in the Hall of Fame as a manager although he had 17 years at shortstop. It has been noted that Leo’s favorite baseball story is about the horse that trotted up to him one day and asked if he could play for the Dodgers. Manager Durocher picked up a few baseballs while the horse selected a bat, put it in his teeth, and began to knock one pitch after another out of the park. Leo then asked, “Can you field? The horse grabbed a mitt, trotted out on the field, and snagged each ball briskly in his teeth, and accurately fired them back to Durocher.
“Pretty good,” said the manager, “But can you run?”
“Run!” the horse whinnied, “If I could run, I sure would be at the track, and not here looking for a job from you!”
---“It was fun until a kid came up to me and said, ‘My dad says you’re getting old, you’re going to die, and your autographs will be valuable.’” – WARREN SPAHN at an autograph show.
---“The good Lord was good to me. He gave me a strong body, a good right arm, and a weak mind.” – DIZZY DEAN
---“There is no homework.” – DAN QUISENBERRY on the best thing about baseball.
---BEANS REARDON was one of the great arbiters during his 24 years of calling balls and strikes. One day he was umpiring at third when RICHIE ASHBURN came sliding in under the tag of Brooklyn’s BILLY COX.
“SAFE!” Yelled Beans, but had somehow raised his thumb indicating the out signal. Ashburn jumped up and began to scream at the man in blue who calmly said, “You heard me say safe, but 30,000 people saw me call you out. SO YOU’RE OUT!
---During the war years of 1941 through 1945 many quality ballplayers changed their flannels for khakis while teams struggled on with players who were older, younger, and those who could not pass the military physical. At one tryout during the war a young man walked up to Chicago Cubs manager CHARLEY GRIMM, and said, “I’m 4-F (unable to pass the physical) and I can play like Joe DiMaggio, hit like Ted Williams, and throw like Dizzy Dean.”
Grimm retorted, “You’re nuts,” to which the fellow responded, “Sure, that’s why I’m 4-F”.
---“The trick is growing up without growing old.” – CASEY STENGEL
---“The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.” – YOGI BERRA
---“Slump. I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.” – YOGI BERRA
---GATES BROWN spent his entire 13-year career (1963-1975) with the Detroit Tigers as a part-time outfielder and pinch-hitter, and earned his nickname from the years he spent behind prison gates. The Tigers won the pennant in 1968 because of his powerful bat and a .370 batting average. One day in August of that year Gates was not on the lineup, and became very hungry. He sneaked into the clubhouse, and soon came back with two hot dogs loaded with mustard and catsup. Suddenly manager MAYO SMITH called Brown to go in to pinch-hit. Down the front of his uniform shirt went the hot dogs with Gates wishing that he did not get on base. But he did when he smacked out a double, and had to slide into second base. When he stood up all could see the mustard, catsup, hot dogs, and buns all over his uniform.
The fielders could not believe it as the Tigers in the dugout were howling with laughter. Smith fined Gates $100 as he roared, “What are you doing eating on the bench in the first place?”
The embarrassed ballplayer responded, “I was hungry, and besides, where else can you eat a hot dog and have the best seat in the house!”